Not a Bread lyric, but close.

Today’s installment is a mixture of updates and miscellaneous thoughts. Hope you enjoy the trip.

It turns out that the day recounted in my previous post was the one-month anniversary of Jeanne’s death. Perhaps she was “helping” me? But I don’t really believe that – she was never spiteful, even to people that deserved it, and she wouldn’t have found the motorcycle accident funny, so I don’t think she was involved.

Another update – my friend got back to his jeep, and it started fine. No problems. No idea. Adding insult to injury, and a stained suit, the freaking car works. Whatever. I hate Jeeps.

On a related note, did I mention that I got back to my house in the Bay Area only to discover that my Mercedes battery was totally dead? Like as in Return of the Living Dead dead – only not return, nor living. Just dead, now that I think about it. How many more transportation bad things can happen to me in a short time? And how long IS a short time? Is it like cell phone plans, with rollover badness, or is there some moment at which the period ends? And if it’s a cell phone plan, does that mean that when a new period begins, will I have the same amount of bad luck to spread across the next period?

I'm headed down to Southern CA again this weekend. I'm hoping to ride my Benelli. But I have a suspicion that my bike may no longer love me. Or to be more precise, I'm not entirely sure that my bike still runs. The whole cooling thing has me worried. But I can’t wait to see how bad the damage actually was, now that I am in a slightly better state of mind.

I am also making a quick stop in that lovely city in the southwest, largely to start my Saxon. Bikes like that don’t like sitting without running – I really need to turn it over.

I probably shouldn’t say it that way. No, really, I don’t mean literally turn it over, thereby putting the hard side down. I like the soft side down. Rather I mean turn the engine over, start the thing, make it create noise and power, etc. And hopefully put some additional charge into the battery, rather than leaving it for dead (see Mercedes, above).

I was wondering the other day. Do you think that Helen of Troy KNEW she was the face that launched a thousand ships? Or was she plagued by the same night terrors that follow us around in our lives? Did she think she was fat, or not smart enough, or whatever? Did she worry about her men leaving her alone, poor, and weak? Or did she know that she was the most powerful person of her age? Based on my interactions, the women about whom poetry SHOULD be written never understand, never know it, and generally don’t believe it. The ones who think they are poem material, seem somehow not.

There is an old joke that ends “those who matter don’t care, and those who care don’t matter”. I think there is truth here as well – those who are poetic don’t know, and those who know, aren’t.

So far, this is duller than dishwater, eh?

Hey, that reminds me. Another shout out to a previous topic – weird aphorisms. Had a conversation with a pal about funny aphorisms the other day. Specifically, “shooting fish in a barrel”. First, how did the fish get in the barrel? And who shoots fish? What a stupid thing to say. And, fish are kinda fast, slippery little buggers. Who says it would be easy to shoot fish, even when constrained by a barrel?

So, all in all, what an insanely dumb expression.

If we can use dumb expressions, why should we have to use the normal ones. Why can’t we build our own?

Kevin and Bean tried to create a new swear word a few years ago. They wanted a word that could be said on the radio, etc., but SOUNDED really bad. They coined “jackhole” – it does have a great sound to it, don’t you think? Anyway, they had the goal of having the word appear in TV or so – what a cool idea.

So, I think that with my huge, influential readership, I should be able to coin a new aphorism. But I think we should make the expression no worse than the current crop. For example, I think that the expression should be no more stupid than “shooting fish in a barrel”. Of course, that’s pretty darn stupid, so this isn’t too much of a hurdle.

I think I am going to try for a new expression to capture the idea of being trapped, completely, unable to move. Not in a physical way, but in some sort of psychological way. The “walls” are closing in on you kind of way. A “sinner in the hands of an angry god” kind of way. A “republican supermajority in the congress” kind of way.

Anyway, my new expression (drum roll please): trapped like a squid in a dryer.

It rocks. Think about it.

How would the squid get in the dryer? Does it matter if it is an electrical or gas dryer? What do squid and dryers have to do with each other?

Yeah, right. Makes your head hurt. It’s ok. Mine too. But expect me to be pushing use of this expression at all appropriate intervals. And likely some inappropriate ones too.

I hope all you readers will work with me on this goal – we can unite the world in squid drying. Having shared context helps solve conflicts (go read some social psychology on conflict resolution if you don’t believe me). By pressing use of this expression, we help create shared context, new context, with no racial or economic overtones. We can be leaders. We can all just get along. We can help create world peace.

All it takes is a little squid.